Happiness

All of us, as human beings, search for happiness.  It seems to be our nature.  The search for happiness has caused us to conquer far away lands, to leave our homes and family to look for something better.  The search has built empires, destroyed civilizations, spawned myths and stories, fought and won many battles.  If you think about it, it is the seeking of something better that has driven history.  Sometimes the search has been selfish, but sometimes finding happiness has been for the betterment of all mankind.

Happiness doesn’t seem to be a permanent thing, though.  People who say they are always happy – well, either they are lying, or maybe something is wrong upstairs.  Perhaps there IS some permanent state of happiness, but whenever life gets too settled into happiness, one of two things usually happens: either we humans get bored with the constant peace, or some big catastrophe hits and our happiness is jarred loose from its moorings.  We just can’t seem to be happy for too long.

However, I have to say that as people age, their want for happiness and stability changes.  It is only the young, it seems, who can’t deal with the idea of long-standing joy.  Growing up, I had much older parents than my peers.  My mom was 42 when she had me, and because of this I was around her friends, who were also older.  I am very comfortable around older people.  My friends would sometimes say, “It creeps me out to think about getting older!”  Why?  I didn’t understand what my friends were talking about.  I saw something in older people, something that was relatively consistent.  With few exceptions, my parents and their friends (I am talking people over the age of 55) were content.  Yes, “old” people complain about aches and pains, they move more slowly, and don’t seem to want to party anymore.  But despite their wrinkles, age spots, thinning hair, and lack of modern style, they are happy.  For some reason experience has brought happiness to the more senior members of society.

I know that at age 36 I find myself happier than I was when I was 21, or even 30.  I remember very often saying to myself, “When this happens I will be happy.”  Or, “When I am such-and--such age/make more money, then I will be happy.”  Well, I became whatever magical age it was that I so hoped to be at the time, and I didn’t really find myself much happier.  We continually make more money each year (thank heavens) but we seem to always find ways to spend it, and it hasn’t made us any happier.  Ask anyone who has won the lottery and they’ll tell you that a year later, they haven’t found happiness – in fact, many will say that money has only brought them grief. 

 

When I was younger I found bits and pieces of joy, but it left as quickly as it came.  I said to myself “if” and “when” so much, that one day I realized my youth was gone.  I “iffed” and “whenned” it away.  And, while I kept waiting for the next joyful moment to come, life happened to me.  Sometimes life was great, sometimes the trials were so hard that I wondered if I would ever be happy again.

Through the years I’ve experienced so much:  The thrill of anticipation as the day I would marry my best friend approached, and then the happiness that filled my whole being when that day finally came.  My stomach falling through the floor when my husband and I found out that his job was no more, and we had just signed a mortgage six months earlier.  I felt more love than I ever thought was possible for one person to feel for another person when I held each one of my three babies for the first time.  My heart has broken in a million pieces as I watched loved-ones struggle with addiction.  The pride I had for my children when they learned to smile, talk, and walk.  All the stages of grief I went through when my mother died, oddly mingled with relief that she was no longer suffering.  Each experience has re-shaped my definition of happiness.

I think this is why so many older people are content as the years pass, and experience builds upon experience.  It is not that they settle for less, or that they have given up on obtaining joy.  They have found that happiness was always in their lives, but they were so busy looking for it, that they didn’t see it.  After all, how can you be happy if you haven’t known sadness?  How can you know joy, if you had never felt suffering?

To help illustrate what I am saying, here’s an example: there was a study I heard of in which they took babies just learning to crawl and they set the baby down on a floor made of glass that was suspended above the floor about three feet.  The half of the floor that they put them down on was painted solid white, so that it appeared to be solid ground, but the other half was left clear.  They put the mother opposite the baby and had her call for it to come to her, causing the baby to have to cross the clear glass to get to its mother.  Each of the babies in turn would get to the part where the white painted surface would end, and even though it would appear that they were up off the ground and might fall, they didn’t hesitate to cross the clear glass to get to their mother.  Two months later, after having experienced the trials and triumphs of crawling, they repeated the test again, using the same babies.  The second time through, every child stopped at the portion of glass where white became clear, and they would not cross the glass to get to their mothers.  The illusion of a fall was enough to stop them from proceeding further, even though they would not have fallen through the solid glass.  Before their experiences with crawling, they didn’t know anything about falling, and so they didn’t worry about it. They didn’t know it, so in their minds falling didn’t exist.  But after a few falls off the couch, a few tumbles down the stairs, they understood well what going off a solid ledge would do, so they wouldn’t take the chance.

That’s how happiness is for us humans!  We think we know what happiness is because people tell us about it from the time we are very young.  Our parents tell us stories about what happiness is, what it should feel like, and from time to time we glimpse happiness.  After a few happy experiences, and a few unhappy ones, we start to realize what happiness is.  By the time we are on the other side of the hill, as it were, we finally comprehend what it is to truly have joy. 

I watch my elders and I see that joy is sitting by your lifelong love and watching the sunset.  Happiness is the family, all together again, eating good food, laughing with one another, little ones running around the house and playing.  Happiness is seeing those same sweet little ones go home with their parents, knowing that you will see them again soon.  Happiness is following the same routine, and even though it is what you did yesterday, and what you will do again tomorrow, it’s alright, because it is constant.  True joy can be found in nearly every moment – sometimes there are sorrowful moments, but you know that, just like joy is fleeting, so is sorrow, and it can’t stay bad forever. . .

. . .and that’s something you can definitely be happy about!

Fall is in the air. . .

Have you noticed that when the kids go back to school a couple of weeks later - almost like magic, there is this crisp clean feeling in the air?  The feeling is something you can't quite put your finger on, but it definitely feels a little like Autumn.  I wonder if it is some chemical the trees release as they ready themselves to change the color in their leaves.  Maybe it's just the drop in temperature.  I don't know - but what I do know is that I start craving apple crisp, and fresh, warm homemade bread with honey, and I get excited to pull out my sweaters and boots.

The garden is starting to wind down.  A couple of weeks ago it was bursting with ripeness, but now it looks a little faded and wilted.  It's kind of sad, in a way, but also exciting because it means that in a few months I get to plant a whole new crop.

We have had OODLES of tomatoes and cucumbers.  In fact, I hate to say it, but I got sick of the cucumbers.  They started tasting bitter when the weather got hot and I became wary of the taste!  We also have cantaloupe ( I NEVER spell that right so thank heavens-to-Betsy for spell check!).  The melons are huge and bursting with juice!  They're better than last year's crop.  The watermelon died, though.  We have a few, but the vines up and withered when we got that really hot spell.  We've tried one of them but it wasn't very good.  I've decided that watermelon from the fruit stand is better and cheaper.

We've also had carrots - still have another crop that's getting ready to harvest - and we have the scrawniest, most sad onions ever, and I'm not sure they're worth the time or space either.  Maybe I just need to plant a different variety, because last year's onions were scrawny, too.  We planted too late and got very few peas (plus the quail got into the seeds after we planted). 

The corn has been amazing, though!  So sweet and abundant!  I'm not sure it's cheaper to plant corn, but it is certainly worth it.

All in all, I think the best bounty that we've received from our garden can't be eaten, but it can be savored - and that is FAMILY TIME.  We've spent hours working together, watching, weeding, and harvesting.  Peter and I have done most of the work, yes, but even strengthening our relationship has had its own benefits for our kids.  Don't get me wrong - it hasn't all been sunshine and daisies - we've had some of our biggest family fights in the garden, too.  But, in the final tally, I think it's been an amazing harvest that we didn't expect!

I am so looking forward to the Autumn - raking leaves, long walks, Halloween, putting the garden to rest for the winter.  And definitely sweaters and boots!

Nervous Breakdown

I finally flipped last weekend.  That is all I have to say!

It's our anniversary!

Sweet 16!  How is it that I have been married for 16 years?!!!  I seriously just turned 16!  Actually, I've turned 16 twice, and then some.

So, what has happened in 16 years?  Maybe it would be easier to say what hasn't happened.  Here are just a few things that have happened.  We have. . .

• had three kids.
• moved  7 times, all in the first 7 years.
• traveled 1,909 miles, 4 days, in a U haul, with a 6 month-old, and a sedated cat, from Orem, UT to Pittsburgh, PA, stayed 6 months, then turned around and traveled 1,909 miles, 4 days, in a U haul, with a 1 year-old, and a sedated cat from Pittsburgh, PA to Orem, UT.
• been to California at least 6 times.
• (Peter has) worked for 6 different accounting firms.
• bought a house.
• had to declare bankruptcy once.
• amazingly enough, neither one of us has been kicked out of the house after an argument.
• just since Danny's been born, we've had to call poison control 5 times (fortunately, it's never been serious!)
• owned three cars, only one has been new.
• I have had major hip surgery, knee surgery, and been on crutches for, cumulatively, over a year of our married lives together.
• had the following pets: rats, fish, turtles, frogs, lizards, mice, parakeets, and so many cats that I can't even count.  Right now we have two cats. (I have to admit that the pets are all my fault - well, some of them have been Heather's fault.)
• had countless computers and, but I don't think we've ever bought a brand new one.
• for the first 2 1/2 years of our marriage we didn't have a T.V.
• managed to stay out of debt for the past 7 years (excluding our mortgage.)

Obviously, we're not glamorous or exciting people, but, looking back on this list - and thinking of all of the things I didn't include on this list - we've certainly experienced quite a few things.  Marriage is not what I thought it would be.  I thought it would be my "happily ever after," but instead it was my "your life is just starting"!  It's a daily challenge for us to live with each other; even after 16 years, we're still dealing with a lot of the same things that we dealt with in our first year of marriage that caused a lot of arguments.  There are a lot of days that are boring, frustrating, and we feel a lot like two people who are living separate lives in the same house.  But I can honestly say that I wouldn't trade Peter for any other man on the face of this planet, and that I am glad that I am married.  We've seen a lot of marriages fail, and we've seen a lot succeed, and we both agree that staying married seems much easier than being divorced.

I think kids have added more of everything to our marriage: more happiness, more yelling, more smiles, more grief, less time together alone, less sleep, less boredom, less selfishness, less money, more laundry, and etc.  We've joked that we'd be better parents if we didn't have kids.  I cannot imagine life without them.  It's hard to explain, but even when we didn't have them it seems like they were always there, they just hadn't been born yet.

With all that said, this post is dedicated to Peter - Happy Anniversary, Honey!  Even though it seems like we're going through the "poorer, sickness, worse" part of our marriage lately, Happy Anniversary!

I was born this way

We got a letter from our insurance company - one that many of you have probably received - wherein they ask about a claim that they processed (six months ago, I might add).  They already paid the claim, but they want to know if there is any liability for someone else to pay it.  Basically the questions are as follows:

Is the reason for the above condition the result of accident or injury?
Did this condition happen at a location such as at work, at a business, or other residence?
Was this condition caused by someone's lack of care or caution?
Did this condition happen as a result of a car accident?

I guess I could have put that my parents are responsible, because I was born with this condition.  Technically my conception was "an accident", as it were; it did happen at their residence (as far as I know); and it was because of someone's "lack of caution"; but I don't think a car had anything to do with it (and I really don't want to know if it did.

The questions go on, and on - about 12 in all.  Basically, they could have saved time and paper by simply asking this:

Is there any way we can stick this bill to someone else?  Because we REALLY don't want to pay it!

Down the Rabbit Hole!

Yesterday, I had one of the most bizarre experiences.  I fell down the rabbit hole!  You know - the one from Alice in Wonderland, the one Alice falls through, where everything is upside-down, topsy-turvy, and nothing makes sense anymore.

I can't go into specifics about why I had this experience, and what precipitated all of this (one word: family), but I can say this:  suddenly I was running out the door, asking people if I was still asleep, and I found myself sitting on the floor of our new shed with the door closed and locked.  It was the only place I could think of where I could be alone.

Sometimes I seriously wonder if all this is some huge joke - like, some evil child has me in a big jar, and every once in a while, this evil kid shakes the bottle, just to see what I'll do!  I know it's not, that there is a bigger plan to all of this, but that is the way I feel from time to time.  That evil kid is going to kill me, slowly, one shake at a time!

I eventually got up off the shed floor and returned to my house, where the Mad Hatter, the Hare, the Mouse, and the White Rabbit, were all waiting for me, offering me a good cup-o' tea.  I, Alice, have decided to accept that I am definitely in Wonderland!

Oh, the funny things kids say!

I quite often make up lyrics to songs.  Last night, with Danny and Heather, I was singing to "Let's Go Fly a Kite":

"Let's all go to bed, to rest our sleepy heads,
Let's all go to bed and start a-snoring!"

Anyway, it continued until the last words, when I sang, "oh let's go, go to bed!"  On cue and on pitch Daniel sang a long, clear "Noooooo!"  It totally cracked Heather and I up.

The kids and I packed up the wagon with towels and sunscreen and walked to the neighborhood pool a couple of days ago.  Our "adopted grandma" (Barbara) came out to talk to us and asked us, "Where are you going?"

Daniel said, "To the church!"

I said, "No, we're going to the pool."

"To the school!" he shouted.

"No, Danny - the pool."

"To the cool!"

Notice the cats in the background - I'd hate to be Freddy - Zuma has a stinky bum!

Finally I enunciated, "Danny - the p-p-p-pool!"

"Oh, to the p-p-p-pool!" he said.  Another laugh!

Emily has been watching Yu-Gi-Oh (or however it is spelled), and is therefore learning a completely different way of speaking.  The cartoon likes to use big words, so she's also been trying that out.  She asked me the other day if the garden was "exasperating" me.  I laughed.  Then, the other day, Heather and I listened to her go into her room, trip over her toy horse, throw it out of the way, and say, "Curse you, Horse!" in a gruff voice.

They say to be healthy and happy you should laugh every day - I do!